There have been a lot of petitions from Red States to the White House pleading for the right to secede. I think it is time for a response.
Dear Red States:

We’re ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we’ve decided we’re leaving.

We in New York intend to form our own country and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ol’ Miss.

We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95% of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We’re taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Citizen of the Enlightened States of America

I doubt that.

I did some checking, and I stand corrected; there have been secession petitions from all 50 states. As Rick Perry said, “Oops.” However, if you read my post carefully, it says that the Red States that have petitioned should be allowed to leave. See, what I read in the news and the comments I see here, leads me to believe that a lot of people would simply be happier among their own. They have this bubble they exist in, they hear what they like on the radio and on TV, they read the conservative blogs and news sites, and they find their own reality. Then BOOM! they didn’t win the election they were promised. 53% of their fellow Americans voted the other way. I know, I know; those 53% were ignorant women who just wanted to have a lot of sex, and lazy students who want to smoke dope and default on student loans, and lazy wellfare recipients who don’t want to work, and illegals who want to game the system, and gee, the sleazy Democrats found a formula for bringing all these groups together and stealing the election from the really nice people who just want to get things back the way we were when we were all happy. Well, the sad news is that those sleazy Dems have those votes now (bought and paid for) and they are not going to give them up. They will just pay more and keep more people in poverty to get their votes and promise anything and give rights to (gasp!) everyone. So really, the Red States would be happier off by themselves and people who think the way they do would be happy with them.
Have a nice day.

I understand there is transportation out of the blue states daily.

We’ll accept refugees seeking political asylum, too.

Seriously, it stands to reason that someone from each of the 50 states would initiate a secession petition.

As for states like Florida, we could grant them a “second chance” option. Florida, for example, has a crucial dependence on Constitutionally protected freedom due to its many nudist and Lifestyle clubs. If Florida made the uninformed mistake of going Red, we wouldn’t want to exclude them for all eternity because of a simple, shortsighted mistake, would we?

It seems secession isn’t just the sour grapes solution of the Right to losing an election. Here the idea comes from wacko lefty Lawrence O’Donnell after the 2004 democrats’ loss:

“Speaking on “The McLaughlin Group” the weekend after George W. Bush’s victory, panelist Lawrence O’Donnell, a former Democratic Senate staffer, noted that blue states subsidize the red ones with their tax dollars, and said, “The big problem the country now has, which is going to produce a serious discussion of secession over the next 20 years, is that the segment of the country that pays for the federal government is now being governed by the people who don’t pay for the federal government.”

A shocked Tony Blankley asked him, “Are you calling for civil war?” To which O’Donnell replied, “You can secede without firing a shot.”

For now, of course, secession remains an escapist fantasy. But its resonance with liberals points to some modest potential for constructive political action.”

http://www.salon.com/2004/11/17/states_2/

It appears Mr.MSNBC was as ungracious in defeat as he now is in victory.

How do you get that from what was posted? Petitions from all 50 states, red and blue. Even the letter you opened this thread with comes from a New Yorker who wants to secede and take the rest of the blue states with him. And when O’Donnell’s democrat lost he advocated secession in 2004. So when is secession patriotic and when is it not?

I posted the manifesto (that I found on a political joke site) as humor. Don’t get your knickers in a twist about it. If some of the phrasing hits a little close to home, live with it.